Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I've been out for a while...

...Hello there... I know I've been neglecting my blog shamefully this summer, and if you're one of the three people that reads this blog and you've missed my ramblings-I'm sorry. It's been a wonderful, rich summer with lots of learning and growing. It's hard to realize that it's almost over! I go back to school next week for my final year, and for the first time that I can ever remember, I'm not excited about going back. I don't know fully what that is all about; I can guess; I know I have reasons...
This will have to be a short post to tide you over until the weekend. I'm in my office and I'm taking a 5 minute break from studying about grace. It's worth looking at again and again. Sometimes I tend to be intellectual and think about these things in my head, looking at all the angles, building up my knowledge. But that's barely touching the meaning of grace. Grace is something received and lived out. Since we tend to act on what we believe (not on what we know), I have to ask myself "do I live like a person receiving and giving grace? Do I act like a person that understands what grace is?" Because my actions, speech, thoughts, and relationships will show exactly whether or not I "understand" grace. A while back, maybe January (?) I posted a blog about making a sign that reads "extend deliberate grace." I hung that sign in my car where I saw it every single day. Now I know that there are worse drivers than me out there, but there's also better ones too. And the sign definitely reminds me to incorporate grace into my driving routine. But more than that, as I read it daily, I'm reminded to take grace beyond the sign and out of my car and to bring it to work, to the store, home. I need to bring it into my thoughts, into my relationships, into my interactions. I also need to extend some grace to myself. I'm not perfect. Understatement. And for those of you that experience my imperfection, I'm sorry, please be gracious when you encounter that. I too review my actions, thoughts, words, relationships and realize how far short I fall. How imperfect I am. How broken I am. How hurtful I can be. What I didn't do right, and what I need to do better in. I realize that I am lacking. And that hurts me. Its uncomfortable and unpleasant and undesirable and all sorts of other "un's".
The happy ending to that paragraph is that I've got a relationship with a God of grace-and that's something not many other religions can boast. As I think about how holy and mighty and amazing God is, and that he wants to have a relationship with me (who is falling short in the holy, mighty, and amazing categories) I know God is a God of grace. How else could he extend favor to me when I could never earn it out of my own virtue? And that right there is the point: I can't earn grace. God's favor is never earned, but it is freely given. Do I live like it? Do I receive it and give it? Sometimes I do better than others, but the wonder of living in God's grace is that he's going to walk with me and help me grow more fully in it. So with full sincerity I can wave my hands in the air and say "Thank you, Jesus!"
How about you?
*side note, those are a few of my favorite people up top... That's to show you what kind of shenanigans I get into in the summer. And if you haven't seen me for a few months, my hair is no longer red, but its back to being brunette again. :)