Mulling...

     The past four or so months have presented many challenges to me, and sometimes that's been hard.  Sometimes not, but sometimes yeah, it's been tough.  I tend to put on "brave face" and plow forward on the exterior.  But what has been neat to realize is how God has been at work on the interior.

      I would say that I am typically independent, like to be in control and fore-plan things, I like being strong and capable, I like feeling safe and settled.  This list of likes has not escaped God's attention.  There is nothing wrong with any of those things in and of themselves.  The problem was they tend to get in between me and God. 

      I'd encourage you to read the snippet on the right from Larry Crabbe's book "Shattered Dreams."  There are a few points in there that really hit home.  Like the way we (I) tend to think God's Spirit and blessing equals feeling good when really it should equal drawing close to God.  To grow with Him.  To love Him more.  The goal of knowing God is not to alleviate suffering or challenges.  It's not to feel better.  It's not to keep us (me) content in how we live our lives and relate to God.  It means much more.  It means to have an actual living, breathing, vibrant relationship with Him.  Let me encourage you to read that excerpt and think it over.

     So through this season God has challenged me to let Him be in control.  To realize His provision and blessings.  To count on more than the physical and tangible.  That He is able to more than I could ever dream of, even when its weird to me at first...  

     I have had to work at abandoning myself to God.  To allow His Spirit to work in me even when it doesn't feel good.  Isn't that the ultimate purpose?  By doing so God and I have a different relationship now.  A deeper one.

     And that makes the challenges worth it.

*Note*  The excerpt mentioned in this post was replaced on 12-09-2008.  Sorry if you missed it while it was up.  Leave me a message if you want details on how to find it.

-Timmery